Why is it always open season on childless women like me?
We brace ourselves for news like this, we child-free women. For the third year in a row - it was revealed last week - the fertility rate for England and Wales has fallen and is now at a record low.
Why is it always open season on childless women like me? People have said unforgivable things to me just because I don't have kids - now I'm telling them what I really think... | Daily Mail OnlineHome
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Why is it always open season on childless women like me? People have said unforgivable things to me just because I don’t have kids – now I’m telling them what I really think...
By EDWINA INGS-CHAMBERS
Published: 2:5 EDT, 7 September 2025 | Updated: 5:08 EDT, 7 September 2025
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We brace ourselves for news like this, we child-free women. For the third year in a row – it was revealed last week – the fertility rate for England and Wales has fallen and is now at a record low.
In 2024, the average number of children per woman fell to .4, when the rate we need to keep the population stable is apparently 2.. And so once again the debate begins – why are women not having babies? And the finger of blame starts swinging towards women just like me…
Childless, child-free, there seem to be many ways to label me and my ilk. I've been called a Pank (Professional Aunt No Kids), however, as I am also partnerless, you can add an 'S' for Single to the acronym and call me a Spank! Let me explain further, because you could also call me a NoMo, or 'Not Mother'. This friendly term was coined by Jody Day, a former psychotherapist who in 2009 founded the support network, Gateway Women, for childless women aged 5 and over. It's called that because it aims to help women crossing the life threshold of non-motherhood (whether intentional or not) and experiencing the myriad emotions that can arise from living an offspring-free life.
Not all the labels we are given are neutral, of course. In China I'd be called a 'Leftover Woman' and in South Korea I'd now be a 'Gold Miss' – it used to be 'Old Miss', but they've realised the spending power of the commitment-free. Though plenty of others around the world, not least the US Vice President JD Vance, blame women just like me for harming the economy by failing to procreate while labelling us bitter at the same time. Of course, we are also known as Cat Ladies, shorthand for Old Crones.
Most of these names don't bother me. Put me in a category if it makes you feel better – I'll be in there with 8 per cent of the UK female population (often rounded up to The Twenty Percenters – yet another label). But really, I'm just me, living my life with some of it turning out as I'd hoped for and some of it not so much. I imagine a good portion of the women (and men) who have ended up childless feel the same.
I'm not a woman who actively chose not to have kids (no judgement here, I have several friends who very much did make that choice). Nor have I had painful struggles with fertility. I always wanted children, thought that I'd meet 'The One' and we'd start a family. But we didn't meet. And I had no interest in travelling the solo child-rearing route.
Edwina Ings-Chambers always wanted children and thought she'd meet 'The One' and they'd start a family, but this didn't happen
I thought I had time. But then, and long before I expected it, nature made the final decision for me. I don't know why my body shut down that side of things early, though my personal belief is that a whole heap of work-related stress certainly didn't help.
Do I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to have my own kids and to be called 'Mummy'? Sure. But I don't dwell on it. What would be the point? I am where I am and my life is good – and full of children, from nieces and nephews to friends' kids who consider me part of the security blanket of their lives.
Though even that's a curious justification that childless women often feel the need to make no childless man flags his child/life ratio for approval and no woman should have to either.
I'm not so OK with the casual cruelty that gets thrown at women without children, the idea that our feelings don't matter, that we're fair game for insults. The idea that it is our fault the fertility rate has dropped, instead of looking at the huge societal changes in the past 00 years or so, which are really to blame.
There are the 'so don't you like children then?' lines dropped into conversations that have left some childless friends beating a hasty retreat before tears overwhelm them.
There are all kinds of reasons why a woman doesn't have children and many are incredibly personal and painful. So, although no one wants to spend their life treading on endless eggshells, my plea is to think twice before crashing in on the topic.
I've had experiences that felt deliberately hurtful and diminishing. There was the female boss who, some years ago, just as I was realising my fertility was shutting up shop, told me I had nothing in my life that mattered except my job because I was neither married nor had children. The worst thing is that she had me doubting myself for a while, at a time when I was already struggling with the realisation that it was to be a childless life for me. Was I pointless? An irrelevance who simply shouldn't exist?
Eventually, I realised it was her problem, her bigotry, not mine. But would she have said the same to a man? Or told anyone else that their life had no value?
Somehow it's always open season on childless women.
In a more recent example: a tenant in my building thought it was acceptable to verbally eviscerate me and my life because my womb hadn't lived up to its potential. She (or, more precisely, her nanny) left her child's pushchair in the hall, something someone complained about at the building's AGM. I was on the mother's side – who wants to carry a buggy as well as a toddler up several flights of stairs? I said I had no problem with it. However, one of the company directors overheard the conversation and told a fellow director – who was the tenant's landlady – that it was against regulations and the buggy must never be left there.
A few weeks later I ran into said tenant in the hall. Did I have kids, she asked me. No, I said. And that was it: she launched into an insult-laden tirade that lasted for at least ten minutes and included my selfishness, inability to sympathise and lack of consideration. I kept trying to tell her that she had the wrong person, but my childlessness was enough for her to assume I was clearly the culprit. Her level of vileness and ignorance was astounding.
In 2024, the average number of children per woman fell to .4, when the rate we need to keep the population stable is apparently 2.
Her sense of entitlement – to brand me as inconsequential because of my child-free state – left me reeling.
She still leaves the pram in the hall and no doubt assumes she browbeat me into submission. She's wrong on every level of her presumptions about me.
My life may not look as I expected it to look – or how others think it should. But it's a good life and one full of love and value. I've long since made my peace with not being a mother. I may not have children of my own, but I am not selfish. I am not a disinterested party in the future of the planet. I am not bitter and twisted. I am not a shrivelled up old prune with nothing to offer the world.
If we have not produced an heir to pay for our state pension or care for us when we're old (assuming, of course, that they'd be up for that task), neither have we used NHS maternity services, childcare subsidies or state schools – though I've paid my taxes into all of those pots.
So instead of judgement, maybe those two women (and anyone else with odious JD Vance-like preconceptions about childless women) could open their minds to see that there's great value in women without kids who have compassion, wisdom and time to give. We're a part of the whole, not apart from the world.
Nor are we mere statistics – even though our needs seem to be largely ignored.
If we make up almost a fifth of the UK's female population, then perhaps it's finally time to see we have value in and of ourselves and are as much a part of society's structure as anyone else, even if we don't each have .4 'Mini Me's' to bring to the table to prove it.
Are you a woman without children? Share your difficult experiences with us at [email protected]
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Mickey Rourke legally kicked out of LA home over unpaid rent after turning down $00k in fan donations
Lost star Matthew Fox reveals why he left Hollywood after starring on hit sci-fi series as he makes acting comeback
Bristol Palin gives heartbreaking update on facial paralysis after battling mystery condition for a year
Why Britney Spears's mugshot taken after DUI arrest won't be released
Is Quentin Tarantino the rudest man in Hollywood? From outrageous remarks about Paul Dano to yet another feud after Rosanna Arquette criticized his N-word use
Jason and Travis Kelce break their silence on mom Donna's bombshell renovations of her modest Florida home
Robert Carradine's death certificate reveals how the late actor was laid to rest after passing away at 7
Madonna secretly recruits supermodel and Hollywood stars as she films her 'biggest music video ever' featuring dramatic car crash stunt and warehouse rave
Ben Affleck reveals glimpse of the midlife crisis back tattoo he unveiled after Jennifer Garner divorce
EXCLUSIVEActress had a steamy scene with River Phoenix and kissed David Bowie, who is this '80s Hollywood icon?
90 Day Fiance star Eric Rosenbrook and wife Leida Margaretha dispute autopsy results in baby's tragic death
Jim Carrey's unrecognizable new look face is defended by celebrity plastic surgeon: 'I still think he looks great'
America's Got Talent winner Grace VanderWaal, 22, cancels tour amid mental health struggles
Brittany Cartwright and Jax Taylor agree to remain sober when caring for son Cruz as they reach child custody arrangement
Vanity Fair Oscars Party set for major shake up to star-studded guest list this year
Jailed Harvey Weinstein moans Gwyneth Paltrow made 'a big deal over nothing' after he asked her for massage...
Rachel Zoe reveals why her very first call was to Jennifer Garner after leaving husband Rodger Berman
Candace Cameron Bure once attended 'demonic' and 'slimy' SampM party with her husband
EXCLUSIVEMagician Criss Angel sued by audience member for alleged battery and assault following altercation during Las Vegas magic show
Tyla leaves little to the imagination as she rocks a racy temporary body tattoo for a night out in Paris amid fashion week
EXCLUSIVE'Netflix were not happy with As Ever': Meghan Markle's jam brand 'didn't fit', insiders say as they respond to claims she's cut ties with giant
Hilary Duff and husband Matthew Koma enjoy NYC dinner date after she cried over estranged sister
Chelsea Handler asked to borrow $,000 from her boyfriend when they met at Las Vegas casino
Today's headlines
Most Read
Meghan Markle's 'subtly daring' style transformation: Duchess debuts new wardrobe of crop tops and plunging necklines as rumours swirl about her 'fashion venture'
King Charles cuts a tense figure as he's seen for the first time since brother Andrew gave up his titles and Met police began probe into controversial prince
Just like Harry Judd, my child has Pathological Demand Avoidance. It's not bad parenting. It's a real condition and this is what it's really like
First look at MampS's Christmas food range as beloved store releases its festive sandwiches and party snacks TOMORROW
The REAL reason men leave their wives for younger women - and why it never ends well: TRACEY COX
You're making gin and tonic all wrong! Expert reveals the proper way to make the cocktail - and the unusual fruit pairing you should always include
King Charles' cousin who became first royal to reveal she has autism announces she is starting a PhD at prestigious London university
MORE HEADLINES
Amber Valletta, 52, was a '90s Vogue model who made movies with Sandra Bullock and Kate Hudson, see her now
Sydney Sweeney is left out of Euphoria group photo after Zendaya 'refused to stand next to her' amid 'bitter feud'
Hollywood icon who starred in Psycho after Hitchcock dubbed her 'my new Grace Kelly' looks incredible at 95
Billy Joel's daughter Alexa Ray gives health update amid his battle with rare brain disorder
Handsome fixer known as 'third wheel' in Meghan's marriage helped broker her appearance at Australian 'girls retreat' where she will pose for photos with attendees who pay £,700 for the privilege - and will her jams be in the goody bag?
Cindy Crawford, 60, reveals secrets to her age-defying looks and toned figure as she documents her extravagant morning routine complete with Jacuzzi dip, red light therapy and walking in the grass barefoot to 'ground' herself
Pussycat Dolls feud erupts as former band members slam reunion tour after being 'blatantly' left out
MOST READ IN DETAIL
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